One of our amazing fundraisers, Tara, with her team dubbed ‘Annette’s Army’, recently walked up Ben Nevis to raise money for Nottinghamshire Hospice.

The walk was in memory of her civil partner, Annette, who Nottinghamshire Hospice cared for this year. Annette’s Army consisted of many of Annette’s loved ones including her best friend, close friends and niece and nephew-in-law.

Annette’s early life

When remembering her partner, Tara said: “Annette was a beloved wife, daughter, sister, aunt and great-aunt. She was also an extraordinary friend being both a comedic inspiration and natural born entertainer. She joyously ‘took the (path) less travelled’ and didn’t let the world change her but instead was part of the change that changed the world!

“Her goal was to find love and to be loved; this defined her life when she reflected on it in the few months she had left. She always knew her sexuality was not accepted when she was growing up in the 1960s and 70s and strange though it seems today, she had to make a plan to enable her to live her life. As this was before the internet she had to devise a way to find a girlfriend. She did this through the lonely-hearts column of Time Out Magazine, which she discovered when she worked in a local sweetshop.

“So her life began and she discovered love, squatting, music, demonstrating and met other like minded souls and sexualities.”

A role model for others

Annette was embedded in alternative culture and activism and her early adult life was full of campaigns, demos and marches. In her own words these were ‘crazy good times’.

In one of her many stories, she recounted she ended up joining in a CND (Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament) march spontaneously because she got chatting to some of the people on the march and thought they were a decent bunch so demonstrated with them. She also spent time at Greenham Common, the all-women’s peace camp. She was an early feminist, out-lesbian and activist. Some of the early anti-war posters she posted on the Cenataph in London are in the feminist archive in Leeds.

In the 1980’s and early 90’s she was involved with Women’s Aid and marched in the early Reclaim the Night events. Annette also loved animals and spent much time, effort and money to help animal charities to rescue animals in need. She loved learning, books and language; later going to university as a mature student, studying humanities at Nottingham Trent University. She brought her lived experience of feminism in action into debates about feminism with tutors. Annette was also proud to be a lesbian and t-shirts, earrings and badges all announced and proclaimed her identity.

Her and Tara became civil partners just days after civil partnerships for gay couples became legalised and Annette attended the first ever pride in Brighton.

Tara explained, “Annette didn’t want to hide or pretend. She wanted to be a role model for others.”

Drama, and an irresponsible adult!

After moving to a village in Nottinghamshire, Annette found her tribe with her village drama group. Over 14 years she took many roles; some glamorous some not. She directed, painted scenery, prompted, collected and bought props, did the raffle, helped with front of house, but was also a committee member then became vice chair. She also took part in many performances, enjoying performing as various comedic characters in pantomimes.

She was always looking for ways to support the drama group, for example writing pieces and two panto scripts to save the group having to buy scripts and taking part in quiz nights to raise money for the group.

Tara said, “Annette was a vibrant person that left a trail of laughter and smiles behind her. She loved all the drama group but had a special bond with the juniors and young adults in the group – directing and often hanging out with them during rehearsals. She was the juniors ‘irresponsible adult’ and in her light-touch way she guided and supported them and was proud to be an example of a rounded adult, who was in a 30-year, love-of-her life relationship, and was respected and loved by the group. 

“It was important to Annette for the drama club to be a safe space for all. It gave her great joy to see her juniors have the confidence to grow, some to come out and all to be accepted.”

In the December, despite her cancer diagnosis, she decided to perform in her final show. She was poorly, but didn’t want to let the cast and audience down – and wanted to say a goodbye to something she so loved. Annette didn’t want to make a fuss and delayed telling anyone she was ill until after the production.

Annette’s illness

Annette’s cancer diagnosis was a traumatic time for both Annette and Tara and involved many hospital visits, no provision of basic aides such as crutches or a wheelchair, a struggle to get adequate medication and long waits for tests only to be asked for her to attend further tests.

As Annette’s condition worsened, she had to spend some time in hospital. When Tara was happy that Annette was finally going to be sent home, this was also not without its complications; she was sent in the wrong ambulance, several hours later than planned, with the paramedics initially saying that she would have to go back to hospital because of steps leading up to the house.

Tara said, “During this very dark time (when our wonderful family and friends supported and saved us many times over) Annette had her wish granted to return home to die. However, although a comprehensive care package had been provided by the hospital it was not continuous nor on call. We had four visits and that was it.

“I was happy to be ‘on call’ but many nights had neither sleep nor rest as Annette needed several people and sliding sheets to reposition and turn her and keep her dignified. In one 24-hour period I had to have assistance thirteen times. Also, unfortunately I had other emergencies I needed to sort out and I needed professional help to support Annette when I was called away.”

Our support

Tara explained, “Our first experience of the Nottinghamshire Hospice was where you called them and two trained helpers, often nurses, would come out in the night-time and help me keep Annette comfortable or give her additional medication as needed. Nottinghamshire Hospice also contacted me for several day-sits and overnight-sits so I could get some sleep and sort out some emergency repairs. Annette did not want to be alone so this service ensured that someone was with her.

“Without Nottinghamshire Hospice she would have had to wait in pain or in distress from her evening call at 8pm until 7am when the carers returned, or we could access the district nurse. Annette and I will always be grateful for all the assistance Nottinghamshire Hospice gave us during those weeks.”

Climbing Ben Nevis

Tara thought that Ben Nevis seemed an appropriate challenge as she had previously decided to do her version of the Three Peaks Challenge last year with a plan to do all three (Scafell Pike, Snowdon and Ben Nevis) in a year.

Tara explained, “Annette came with me to Wales in May 2023 and provided the logistical support and cared for Sassie, our 14-year-old border collie. I walked up Snowdon with a friend. It is fitting that ‘Annette’s Army’ helped me complete this undertaking.”

Tara and her team did lots of practise, and Tara even used a stepper to equal the height the Eiffel Tower, Empire State Building, CN Tower and more!

‘Annette’s Army’ had a tricky time completing Ben Nevis as they had freezing cold cloud, fog and rain to contend with. Luckily, they were all well prepared with torches, food, many layers and phones with good signal!

Tara has big ambitions for future mountain challenges with Scafell Pike in her sights for October. She then might do the Three Peaks Yorkshire, leading up to climbing Kilimanjaro later next year.

Leaving a legacy

When talking about making a difference and leaving a legacy, Tara said: “There’s too much bad and indifference in the world, so I set out to do something positive. Climbing Ben Nevis has been healing for me as well as helping others access the same support we did. It’s good to push yourself whilst doing good and you never know who you might meet along the way.

“Through her cancer battle, Annette never relented and remained the happy, funny, wise and stoic soul she was. She was a force of nature. She left a legacy because things are better now for LGBT people, but they’re better because of people like Annette.”

You too can leave a legacy and make a difference for people like Annette and Tara. Get in touch and ask us about talking on a challenge and fundraising for us.